I really went for it last night. We ordered some Indian, and I went to town - no limits, no stopping, just mass consumption. It felt good for a little bit, too. Every bite tasted good, but then I got that sick feeling of being too full.
It made me realize I'd gone for that brief feeling of satisfaction quite often in the past few years. And it does feel good. I read somewhere that business deals often happen at the end of big meals, because the body feels good. When we feel good, we say yes.
This logic was the beginning of business lunches and dinners: meals where people order and eat too much, feel this feeling, and make things happen.
I get that.
The other side, though, is that I slept terribly. I went to bed on the early-ish side, only to wake up around 2:30 am, and lay there for an hour or so. The feeling of full turned into too full, which turned into bad sleep. The body functions as a whole, and when you over-consume in one area, your body must make up for it in another. In a month of health, I've been avoiding the feeling of too full, so to feel it last night wasn't the best.
The thing I realized, though, was that the feeling had a component to it that was almost addictive. That needed to be reached and filled in order to be happy. I also realized it was just a moment.
Though it was only a moment, it carried strength. It's momentary status, however, had the overall effect of going against my other goal of being in shape. These past 20-days, as I've been eating pretty healthy, exercising, and focusing my energies on getting in shape, health started carrying its own addictive feeling. I'd wake up feeling good, thinner, more in shape. My body has gotten in a zone where it's feeding off of itself, using the stored energy in a way that feels good.
If I can continue the process of training my body so that it's these feelings I crave, and this feeling that I reward - rather than consumption - I can get to the place I'd like to get.